The 90's

So we just finished watching VH1's top 100 songs of the 90's, and it did 3 things:

1. Reminded me of this video.
2. Reminded me how totally hot I am for Liz Phair (listen to Flower... I mean GOD!)
3. Made me wish I could remember my own life more vividly, more often

Man, it just amazes me how music can bring back memories like nothing else:

Into The Great Wide Open playing as B and I raced down the Texas highway, to go climbing in Mineral Wells

Under the Bridge as I went to get my motorcycle registered with a yuppie republican girl from my scholarship program named Allison... I remember she used to come to class with a "Texans for Bush" bumpersticker pasted across her crotch (that was Bush Sr. for you kiddies!)

The first time I heard Smells Like Teen Spirit... B came over to my hovel on 35th street with a cassette tape of Nevermind; we listened to the whole thing, amazed and thoroughly amused by the sheer balls of the song Polly.

I could go on and on, but I won't. I'm just glad for the music, because I have forgotten (or at least put out of mind) most of my short existence in this life, and sometimes music brings it back, if only for short moments.

How Erin ruined my vacation, part 1

So we're at the beautiful Rock Creek lake, and we'd just found the coolest little hike-in camping spot, and I'd FINALLY caught a little brook trout after months of anticipation, when we decided to move to the lake to fish. Here it is:

So I set Erin up with a spincast rod and a rooster tail, because they are the easiest and most likely combination to help her catch a fish. As I was just settling in and had my eyes on a roaming rout, I hear "Um, honey. I hooked my leg. Can you come get it out?"
Well, I figured sure, it'd be no problem. Wrong again. She'd lodged TWO of the tines on the treble hook firmly in her leg. I didn't have a knife or a razor, so we got the camp host to clip off the rest of the lure from the hook. It looked like this:
Anyway, we made an unexpected trip to the ER in Mammoth, where we had the quickest ER visit EVER, though they looked at Erin like she was a dope for coming in to get a hook out, until they realized it was two tines. Then the doctor tied string around both parts, gave a yank, and the hook was removed. The best thing (besides the quick turn-around) was that it cost us nothing at all... Hooray for E's bitchen insurance!
Here she is finishing the admittance paperwork. Notice the hook still in her leg.


We made it back to camp in under 3 hours, got a decent night's sleep, and were up and fishing at 7:15. I caught 5 fish this morning, and Erin hasn't maimed herself yet, so I guess all is well and I can forgive her for the lost hours of fishing last night. She even tried her hand at fly-fishing again this morning, though she promptly got tangled in a tree immediately following this photo:


We had to make a run to town (hence this blog-post) but now we're headed back to camp, and more fish. This morning was good, and though the five I caught were from 8 to 14 inches, I nearly fell in when a bruiser of a brown trout (he was at least 20 inches and 3 lbs.) swam right by my feet as I was casting to a pod of risers. I have needs to make said fish my bitch, and barring any catastrophe, will give it my best shot.
And by the way, you better not fall in, hook yourself, get bitten by the giant coyote roaming camp, contract rabies from a marmot or whatever else might interfere with my pursuit of fish Erin! :)

Gaaahhh!

Some people have too much time on their hands. I'm one of those people, at least for the next month or so. I'd like to be one of the ones who knows how to use their free time to do something creative, or constructive, or social, or whatever, but Elaine pretty much nailed it when she said "look around, say 'fuck it,' and go sit on the couch and look for more cool things on the internet" in response to my post a few days back.
We have had friends visiting from Cali for the last few days, which has been great, as it's gotten us out of the house. However, Toyota still hasn't finished our car yet, but they at least gave us a rental with AC so we can now leave the house without having to put up with extreme discomfort. I had to drive the van across town yesterday at 4:00, and I'm not exaggerating when I say it was at least 120 degrees in my car, because it was about 112 outside and my van was much, much hotter. By the time I got home, I was hot to the point of nearly tearing up, and I was practically delirious. But then Erin showed up in a scion with excellent AC, and I was so happy we just drove around the block a few times to recapture the feeling of driving without being miserable.
So anyway, we were out with our friends, hanging out by the pool after dark, and, to my horror, Erin was wondering "who the fat guy with our friend was," when she realized it was me.
Fucking ouch!
But it is true. My spare tire has expanded in the last months or so up toward my shoulders, and my thighs brush against each other when I walk, which is really, really annoying.
I don't look like a blimp or anything, but goddamn it if I haven't always assumed I'd be skinny as a rail without ever having to worry about it. And now I'm not.
I eat pretty healthy, but have done dick for exercise for the last few months, and it's starting to show.
So we went to the gym today, but I'm not very hopeful at the moment. I've been doing the gym thing on and off for several years, and I'm obviously not doing something right. Although to be fair, I've never really gained significant weight or changed pant or shirt sizes until the last few months. This simply will not do.
OK, enough complaining and enough whining. I'll post something more cheerful someday, maybe.

another reason why I LOVE Texas... The Texas GOP!

Ok, ok...

I really only am fond of Texas for its geography and the few of you that still live there.
BUT...
I am amused (in the same way you can be amused by the senile old uncle who's so brain damaged that he gets away with racial slurs and blatant sexism) of the shamelessly racist, anti-feminist, and otherwise bigoted way that the Texas GOP handles itself.

At least in Texas, they don't secretly pretend not to be racist while cracking nigger jokes and wetback jokes under their breath, no sir. They proudly hock things like this at their state republican convention.

Who says Texas aint great?

Trying to find something constructive to do

So since I'm not going to Switzerland, we don't have a trip to Tetons/Yellowstone in the works, and I'm not teaching summer school, and I just finished my second 6 hour doctoral class by writing a 24 page paper (with sappy accolades from the professor and a high "A" ), not to mention the fact that our only car with A/C needs a new engine (and it's been hitting the 100-teens in town the last few days), I find myself for the first time facing a summer break with no plans, no transportation, and no money (the car's only going to be about $2200 instead of $4000, but still). So I'm trying to find cheap, constructive things to occupy my time. Erin and I will go camping once the car is fixed, but in the mean time, I'm not sure what to do with myself, so I made a list, and here it is:

make a trailer for my bicycle

pack up my old classroom

fix things around the house, including but not limited to a broken window, loose faucet, roof leak, and broken tile in the bathroom

do some routine maintenance on the motorcycle

clean up yard

I fully anticipate having these things completed by this coming Sunday. The only hitch is all the outside things will need to be done early, because it's just too hot to sit in the driveway, for example, any time after about 10:00 a.m.
So anyway, while I was trying to find the link to the plans for the bicycle trailer, I found this site which is full of great DIY projects... Check it out.

Jesus Christ, did you see that?!

OK,
For what it is worth, I have sooo felt like Tammy before, wishing on the one hand that I had it in me to just give in to the fairytale of the prevalent Christian faith, for no other reason than to feel connected, both to others and to the big scary unknown, and on the other hand, being afraid of that happening to me against my will.
I've known too many good people over the years who, after not having seen them for awhile, have suddenly found Jesus, and become less than they were. I'm sure they would see it just the opposite, but I'm speaking selfishly here. When people I've known go all Jesus-y, they invariably become more shallow in every conceivable way as far as my interactions with them are concerned. Period. I NEVER want to do that. And I don't care to enter into any type of theological debate here either. I'm just saying that in my experience, every person I've known who has found Jesus has suffered a tangible loss that affects me directly. And it isn't just my bias against religion that makes me see it. I've noticed the change in certain friends before they revealed their new-found faith. It's nothing I want, and while I can understand their belief in the benefit of their new faith, I just don't believe it to be anything more than a giving -up, or a settling-for.
Death, God, what happens next.... all of it is so uncertain, and I as much as anyone else yearn for the truth... but not so much so that I am willing to accept anyone's belief structure because parts of it seem to ring true. I am constantly struggling with reconciling my belief that there is a God and the uncertainty of ever knowing. One thing I know IS certain is that life is short, very short, and it is all we know we have, and that the only consequences that I am concerned about relate to this life. I struggle not with the what-if's of what comes after, but with the choices I make with the limited time I have.
I'm not a person who needs a great deal of comfort, and I guess that is both a blessing and a curse.
My father's dying made me realize that I squandered a lot of time, and I wish I had worked harder at setting things right with him. But now that he's gone, I'm not concerned with ever seeing him again. What I have left of him that he left behind is nothing tangible, but it's enough... it has to be. There's nothing else.
But that's OK.
I used to be afraid of turning into my father. And there are parts of him, big parts, that I see in myself that I am still afraid of and that I don't want. But his passing has revealed to me the good parts he's left in me, and they are good things.
I believe in the divine nature of the human spirit. And I don't mean spirit in the sense of some entity that goes on after our bodies perish. And I don't mean divine in the sense of some omnipotent power. I mean spirit in the sense of a human willingness to step into the unknown boldly and joyfully, embracing the fear and uncertainty that comes along with doing so, just to see what is possible. And I mean divine in the sense of brushing against something larger than just one life. Whether that's an idea, or a force of nature, or some collective subconscious or whatever, it is connecting to something bigger than just our own limited experience.
Though my dad made his way back to church in his later years, that is not what he left me that I value. He left me something greater than that.
His appreciation of performance art and music verged on awe, and this perception is something we share. It is a huge part of what gives me comfort. It is the way I see the divine, and it doesn't come from an outside source; it is purely human.
It's in the amazing stories of people exceeding the limits of what came before, whether in art or science or politics... in all the thousands and thousands of ways people do it every day, that I find comfort and hope and connectedness. And most importantly, inspiration to join in and participate in the unique gift of being human.
To illustrate my point, I offer these few things; they are just examples of some of the amazing things people can do that happened to come my way today.

Read about how scientists are combining viruses and nanotechnology to be beneficial.

Read here to check out one of my favorite poems by on of my favorite poets.

Now watch these videos. I mean, DAMN...