Fed Up

I pretty much am tired of doctors. But I'm also tired of feeling like crap, so I've been a bit depressed lately, because the endless amount of several hundred dollar co-pays for procedures which haven't brought me any relief are beginning to feel the equivalent of throwing money into a woodburning stove. Add to that the cost of Nick's therapy of $250 month, and we've been spending thousands of dollars in the last six months that we didn't have budgeted. And, of course, I took a 30% pay cut to switch campuses this year (which certainly asn't helped!), with the expectation that career opportunity would make up for it, but not surprisingly our new head of school is no different than the others have been; he's never present, and has done nothing to actually improve the quality of the work environment for either the teachers or the students.
So I'm pretty much done. I think that my health issues are mostly due to stress, bad posture from too much computer, and general depression. Erin and I are looking around to move this summer, depending on Nick's feelings about school, which of course are among the top factors in any decision we'll make. He hasn't really connected strongly with anyone here yet, and he seems enthusiastic about the prospects of moving somewhere smaller, cooler and less Vegas-like. That may change (he is a teenager) but it probably won't. And if we're going to go, we really want to do it before he hits 10th grade, so he can have the complete HS experience wherever we go next. Erin's posted some of our considerations on her blog, so I won't repeat them here, and it's not a done deal, it's just the direction we're leaning. We ALL could use a change, and I know for me personally, a change in job is the very least of things on the horizon. If I didn't love my students so much this year, I'd seriously consider quitting my job right now, it's got me that down. But I DO love the kids I have, and I DO love my work, it's just the dead-endedness of my job career-wise that has me down, along with having to work under people who just don't give a shit or even have a clue about how to improve things. Combine that with the 19 shots I received this week, 5 in my mouth for a crown, eight in my shoulders into trigger points, and one in my neck which I got a neat picture of:



add my also having picked up a nasty bug on Monday from a student who came to school sick, which has had me feeling fatigued and nauseous all week, and you can probably understand why I feel it's time for a new approach to improving my well being.
I've never been a big believer in "alternative" medicine, but I am starting to reconsider. I have the feeling that, considering my general lack of results from the surgeries and shots in relieving my malaise, my problems are less medical and more behavioral/systemic. I've just not done a good job of taking care of myself in the last few years, as can be seen in my dropping out of AA nearly completely, to never meditating or praying, to not even being able to relax, ever. I still haven't even begun to deal with my dad's dying, and I don't know how to start. I think that it is literally stress that is fucking me up, but I'm not sure how to de-stress. Cognitive behavioral therapy? It sounds good, but I don't even know what it is! Relaxation techniques? Like what? Acceptance? I used to understand it, but from here and now it seems like that person I was is someone else, completely inaccessable to me.
In a little more than a month, I'll have 20 years sober. No alcohol, no drugs, a generally healthy diet and a nearly clean conscience... for 20 years. I feel like I ought to feel better than I do, and I'm not sure where to turn next, though I'm starting with my primary care doc and am hoping he can give some suggestions which will be in a direction away from other "specialists" and away from medical procedures of any kind. If not, I'm going to switch docs and try to find a DO instead of an MD...
So anyway, there it is.