More for Mom

These are pictures of My mom and Bob's house in Mexico... We all miss it!
(Again, mom, just click on the pictures for larger versions, then you can save the larger versions to your computer; call me if you need help!)

For my mom

So I haven't posted anything for awhile because I'm pretty much tired of complaining, and things haven't gotten better yet. The short version:

I got really sick last week, and thought it was a reaction to my neck injections
My spine doctor said it could be meningitis, and I needed to go to the ER, ASAP
I went to to the ER and got a spinal tap, X-rays, etc.
I DON'T have meningitis, thank god
No one knows what I had, probably was a virus
I missed the first week of school
I still have problems, but am no longer feverish and feeling like I want to die
So all in all, there's nothing I can do but what I'm doing, and who wants to hear the same list of unpleasant things over and over?

Anyway, I talked to my mom tonight (Hi mom!) and am posting a variety of pictures for her, and you guys. Here they are.
By the way mom, you can see larger versions of each picture by clicking on them. Love you! :)

In response to Elaine's latest posts...

So this is how it is:
We came back to work this week. I've had my old room on my old campus packed and ready to move for most of the summer.. The problem is, the new campus hasn't had a room for me. I'd intended to work on curriculum and lesson plans, and setting up my room, etc. all summer, but it wasn't meant to be. I was finally given my room on Friday, and was able to move in on Sunday. Monday of this week, after nearly the whole day spent in meetings and presentations, I was finally able to get to work on my room. I spent 5 or so hours arranging desks and getting set up; In addition, I had to move all 200 or so textbooks from random closets (I had to hunt for them) on the bottom floor to my room on the second floor, since they decided over the summer to move all the classes from the bottom floor to the top (though they didn't actually move anything; that was left for us teachers to do). Fortunately, Erin and Nick helped, and we just borrowed a huge cart from a hallway and moved them all at once.
So I set out all my books, and then I went to get my computer from our computer tech (which had been transferred from my old system on my old campus in June, and which has all my curriculum maps, resources, etc.) He couldn't find it. I explained that I was going to Mexico in just three days, and thus really needed my computer, so I could set up my grade book, do lessons, etc. He said he'd give it to me by the next day.
Well, as of today (Wed. at 7:02p.m.) I haven't received my computer. Also, someone moved all the things in my room Monday night to clean carpets, so I had to rearrange it Tuesday (with Erin's help.)
As of today, our supply room is still empty (so I have no folders, no paper, no pencil sharpeners, no nada) and I haven't had the chance to even start lesson planning.
Oh, and did I mention that we were told yesterday that we have to create a year-long syllabus and accompanying rubrics that follow IB (International Bacculaureate)standards, which no one knows anything about, short of a 45 minute introduction earlier in the week?
When is it due, you ask? Why, Monday of course. (Did I mention I'll be at a conference in Mexico from 3:00 tomorrow until late Sunday evening?)
Anyhow, my neck's been really killing me (stress maybe?) so I am getting my neck injections tomorrow (thank god, they moved up the date!) at 7:45 a.m. Then at 3:00 I'm on a plane to Mexico for a conference. I return at about 8:00 p.m. on Sunday. Then, Monday morning all my students show up at 7:45 to start the school year...
AND they won't give me a key to come in Sunday night!
All I can say is that it's a god-damned good thing I work my best under extreme pressure, and that I am not prone to panic.
In fact, I'm not really worried about it. I think this situation might just kill (or emotionally scar) a normal person, but if there's anything I'm good at, it's changing horses in mid-stream. :)
And truthfully, it's worse than it sounds. Well, ok, maybe it IS as bad as it sounds, but it's a good opportunity for me to demonstrate my inginuity, and I really do happen to thrive in situations which most people see as chaotic. I have little doubt I'll get a few day extension on the syllabus, and as far as lessons go, well... I'm pretty good at making things up as I go along. AND nearly all my students and parents are from last year, so I have a good support system.
I guess my point is it's all a matter of perspective. I can make this seem like the shittiest experience ever... or I can make it seem at least not bad.
Despite the shakey start, I'm really looking forward to this year, but I'll save why for another post.

new heights

I just had to post this.
Behold, the pinnacle of child-targeted American consumerism!

Bleh

I have had more Dr. appts. in the last 2 months than in the 25 years previous... I am going in for a sleep study tonight, another MRI on Wednesday, a follow-up for the sleep study sometime next week, blahblahblah.
Until I have something ELSE to talk about, I don't think I'll be posting. My PT says that alot of my neck problems are made worse by spending so much time on the computer anyway.
I have to go to Mexico for a work conference on Aug. 14th though, so I'll post about that, if it's interesting.
Wish me luck.

I should have done this years ago

I feel so old these last few days. Since Friday I have had an MRI, been to 3 doctors and seen a physical therapist. I haven't slept more than a few hours in the last three days, and I've honestly never felt so helpless before. It sucks.
On Friday I had an MRI of my C-spine, and on Monday I saw an Orthopedic surgeon about the problem with my shoulders. He ordered another MRI (of my shoulders) which I will get in a few weeks. It looks like the compulsive rocking I've been doing in my sleep for oh, my entire life, has caused so damage there, which is a separate issue from the c-spine stuff. I also have a long-needed sleep study scheduled for this coming Monday. I have the feeling that the insomnia and the accompanying compulsive rock-n-rolling I do while sleeping are responsible for most of my current problems.
So anyway, the MRI on friday shows nerve compression in three spots in my cervical spine, c 4,5, and 7. In the MRI it looks just like a little hourglass where the discs are herniated.
Anyway, I have been seriously obsessing over the lack of sleep and the pain for the last three days, which really isn't normal for me. I NEVER lose complete perspective, but I think I did these last few days. Hopeless is a heavy word, but it fits how I was feeling last night and this morning.
I saw my primary this morning, and he prescribed me Xanax to help with the anxiety (to help me sleep) and though I've always been opposed to taking benzodiazepines because of their addictive quality, I am so desperately in need of a few hours of sleep that I really have no choice. I'm a bit nervous about it, but I've taken narcotics as prescribed before, so things should be ok.
After him, I saw a spine specialist, who is going to do a nerve block by giving me some steroid shots in the neck. They have to knock you out for that, which I hate, but not as much as I hate feeling like I do. Hopefully things will mellow out between now and then. He gave me a shot in the ass of a drug called toradol, which is a heavy-duty NSAID painkiller (non-narcotic) which has helped things alot. It is supposed to last for around 5 days, and I think if I can just get some sleep things will improve greatly. I'm not sure I could make it a whole month (I can't get the nerve block until August 23rd) if every day is as bad as the last 3 have been, but I'm hopeful that they won't.
So there you have it. I HATE feeling like a whiner, and I hate going to the doctor, but not so much as I hate the way I've been feeling for the last few weeks. My reluctance to see doctors and to accept the possibility of any kind of debilitating medical problems when I was younger is kind of biting me in the ass. I mean, I've known for 9 years now that I needed to see a sleep specialist and that the lack of sleep was taking a toll on my health, but I always made excuses, like no insurance, then shitty insurance, then scheduling or other more pressing issues, etc.
But hopefully it's not too late. I honestly can't even imagine how things might be without some sort of pain or fatigue on a daily basis.

I guess Erin's not so bad after all

So I wasn't looking forward to the long drive up here to Summit county, considering how messed up my shoulders and neck had been. I only drove 6 hours Tuesday, which really isn't much for me, and I stopped in Green River, Utah at a cheap motel called the Robber's Roost. It was 15 dollars cheaper than the Motel 6, and bigger and nicer as well. I went to sleep about 2, and got a decent night's sleep, all things considered.
Well, the next day (yesterday) was just awful. I got a breakfast burito and a mocha on the way out of town, and within about 15 minutes, I started to feel sick. Food poisoning sick. I managed to drive the 90 or so miles to Fruita, Co. where I had to pull over and puke my guts out on the side of the road. Lovely.
On top of the nausea, I still had about 3 hours of driving to do, and I was feeling the way everyone feels when they can't hold anything down. I tried drinking water, but puked that up too.
So I stopped for a nap under a tree near Rifle, Colorado. After nearly an hour I decided that I had to continue on. I still felt like shit, but since I'd given up on eating or drinking anything, I figured the best thing to do was drive on, as the longer I waited, the worse and more dehydrated I'd feel.
I made it without incident to the top of Vail pass, which is about 2o miles from my sis's house, and there on the side of the road were two perfect little lakes, with fish rising. I pulled over, intending to fish for only a few minutes, but as soon as I stepped out of the car, I got so dizzy I gave up on the idea. You know I'm really sick when I can't stop to fish in a spot like that. It sucked.
Anyway, I got to Nicole's, and fell asleep from 4 til about 8:30. I felt much better, though still very weak. Nicole had gotten me some pedialite (which is gross, but does the job) and some chicken noodle soup. I ate, drank, watched So you think you can dance, and went back to sleep at 11.
This morning, I woke up feeling much better than I have in days. I ate a bagel for breakfast (I didn't want to over-do it in case the sickness was lingering) and I went fishing.
Well, I don't know if it's the bug passing, or the mountain air, or just the act of fishing, but I feel great. I caught 3 trout, and long distance released (that's lost to you non-fishers out there) 4 others, and it was just great. My biggest fish of the day came when I was walking back to the car. I called Erin to check in and say hi, and while we were talking I just kind of absent-mindedly flicked my fly behind a rock one-handed, and this healthy trout just swam up and ate it. I was like "Oh my gosh! I caught a fish!" and Erin was like, "What?" and I told her I had to go so I could play and land him. all I had on me was my phone, but I managed 3 pics of the fish, a nice fat rainbow trout of probably 15 inches or so. I tried to text-message the pics to Erin, but she doesn't get multimedia on her phone, so the pics will have to wait til I get home and can download them from my phone to my laptop.
So in the end, I'll credit Erin for that last one. In spite of her hook fiasco in the Sierras a few weeks ago, I never woulld have caught this fish if I hadn't stopped in that spot to call her, so it all worked out. :)

Nerves making me nervous

I've been having issues with my neck and shoulders for a few years now. Unfortunately, I tend to ignore minor pains and aches, because when I was younger it was easier to do so, and at the time I didn't have any insurance, so there was no point worrying about it.
About 3 years ago I got a small tear in my ulnar nerve. Long story short, after 10 months of hoop-jumping, I had a surgery in which they moved my nerve from around the elbow to lay under the muscle; this was supposed to alleviate the problem.


For the most part it worked.
However, during the 10 months I was hoop jumping, there were occasions when I would tweak the nerve by moving my head a certain way, and it would send a jolt down my arm or up my neck. Sometimes these jolts were so strong that they literally made my black out; kind of like when you get punched in the face.
Anyway, for the last few months I've been dealing with tight neck and shoulders, with the tightness and pain sometimes radiating into my arms. I've seen 2 physical therapists, and though they haven't been unpleasant, they haven't done anything to alleviate the actual problem.
So these last few days have been pretty bad. I am not usually one to complain, and I've always had a bias against younger people who constantly complain. This attitude no doubt came from all the AA people I saw over the years who went on disability, or who constantly took painkillers, or meds, or whatever... and who, in my mind, simply didn't want to work; I took their complaints as excuses fabricated because they didn't have it in them to get their shit together. They exemplified a culture of victimhood, and I silently judged.
Now, I know not everyone was doing this; some people did (and still do) have legit ailments. But most were not as bad off as the claimed.
Now, I am in the unenviable position of basically feeling like shit nearly all the time.
I have been trying to get things taken care of now that I have some decent insurance, but nothing so far has addressed the real issue, whatever it may be.
I am getting a sleep study done at the end of the month. I have had serious insomnia for over 10 years now ( and I mean clinical insomnia; I rarely sleep more than 6 hours at a stretch, and can remember only three nights since we moved to Vegas where I slept an unbroken 7 hours; once in San Jose, once in Switzerland, and once a few months ago. EVERY other night for a decade or more I've slept in fits and starts, usually to the tune of about 5 hours a night. It sucks.)
About a month ago I finally got a lift (my right leg is shorter than my left, and the doc thought that may be contributing to my neck and shoulder issues), but I'm wondering if it may be the reason for my current neck problems. In the last month or so, my neck and shoulder stiffness has gotten noticeably worse.
So that brings me to today. I was laying on the bed this morning, on my stomach, and when I stretched my arms above my head I felt a sharp burning pain right next to my armpit. As far as I can tell, it's exactly in the sheath-thing that covers the main nerve into the arm. It really hurt, but I kept stretching, hoping that doing to would loosen things up. Well, a little later I took the bike to a coffee shop to do some work. As I was typing, the numb-tingles associated with my original ulnar nerve damage crept up, only this time it wasn't just in my fingers. I've got numbness and tingles in all of my left hand, as well as sporadic feelings of stuff crawling up and down my arm. The tingling is also wandering up to my neck. It has me pretty worried, and I am so not a worrier.
So tomorrow I have an appointment with my doc. Hopefully he'll refer me to a neurologist. I've done some poking around, and all the symptoms indicate an impinged nerve, but they checked for that when I first went in a few years ago, and said that wasn't the case. They took X-rays, but not an MRI or CAT scan, so hopefully they will do one of them and find out what's wrong.
I just hope that they can get to the bottom of the problem. I am beginning to forget what it feels like to not ache, and it's starting to really get to me.
I honestly can't imagine what I could accomplish in my life if I actually could get a full night's sleep and could wake up and go through the day without hurting. I hope someday I can find out the answer to that question.
OK, enough complaints from me; I'll post more after my doc appt. tomorrow.

breakfast restaurants, and crazy menu selections.

Finding a good breakfast restaurant isn't easy. Most of them (most restaurants really) are quite mediocre. But today, while poking around for places to get breakfast in Vegas, we came across the Hash House A Go Go. I'm not sure if their food is good, because we haven't eaten there, but their menu is great.
Especially their O'hare of the Dog. What is it, you ask?
Well, it's a 24 oz. Budweiser. With a side of bacon.
So far, that's the funniest breakfast menu item I've seen. Can anyone top that?

chicken sadly decontextualized.

Linguistics is fun.

A trip down memory lane via cereal boxes

I don't know why I go off on these little internet missions, but I just spent the last 2 hours looking at vintage Starwars toys. Specifically, I was looking for a little hand-held movie camera thing which I shoplifted from a K-mart when I was 7. How I wound up in a K-mart by myself late in the evening at age 7 is an interesting story, but one for another time. Anyway, the toy in question had little cartridge things which, when inserted and cranked with a handle on the side, presented actual movie-sequences through the viewfinder. It was a cool toy.
So anyway, I didn't find it, but as I was occasionally reminded of various Starwars toys from my youth, I told Erin about a landspeeder string-glider I once got from a box of cereal. It was hella cool. And then, of course, I found a picture of the exact cereal box it came from.
Friggin' internets.... it's constantly amazing. I don't know where this guy finds the time, but his comprehensive list of cereal boxes with Starwars related themes reminded me how much I used to covet things which no longer exist, like Crazy Cow cereal. Crazy Cow: you can't get much more 1970's.
Now I'm off to find pics of the Guns of Navarone mountain playset I used to use as a battlestation in opposition to my Death Star.

Car woes, and excessive heat warning

I've been sitting for the last 3 1/2 hours at the dealership where they just rebuilt our engine last week. Our check engine light came on yesterday, and I guess that it's not a big deal, but they had to update our car's software, and for some reason, it's taking a really long time.
Fortunately, the dealer has free wifi, so I've been able to get some school work done, and now I have time for a blog post.
Yesterday evening, the weatherman announced that the NWS has issued an excessive heat warning for today. Officially, our high is supposed to be 112, which means in reality that on the street it will be close to 120 this afternoon. That, combined with high ozone and the smoke drifting into the Vegas valley from fires in Cali means that we should not go outside today, if we can help it.
I for one, had planned on spending as little time outside as possible when it gets its hottest, but this unplanned nearly 4 hour detour to Toyota has mussed up my plans, and I will be stuck driving around more than I had intended.
This, of course, has made me a bit grouchy, but since my one actual planned trip out today is to the physical therapist to get my stiff neck and shoulders worked on, it's not all bad.
Since I have nothing else to do, here's a few random pics I've meant to post in te last several weeks. You can figure them out.

The 90's

So we just finished watching VH1's top 100 songs of the 90's, and it did 3 things:

1. Reminded me of this video.
2. Reminded me how totally hot I am for Liz Phair (listen to Flower... I mean GOD!)
3. Made me wish I could remember my own life more vividly, more often

Man, it just amazes me how music can bring back memories like nothing else:

Into The Great Wide Open playing as B and I raced down the Texas highway, to go climbing in Mineral Wells

Under the Bridge as I went to get my motorcycle registered with a yuppie republican girl from my scholarship program named Allison... I remember she used to come to class with a "Texans for Bush" bumpersticker pasted across her crotch (that was Bush Sr. for you kiddies!)

The first time I heard Smells Like Teen Spirit... B came over to my hovel on 35th street with a cassette tape of Nevermind; we listened to the whole thing, amazed and thoroughly amused by the sheer balls of the song Polly.

I could go on and on, but I won't. I'm just glad for the music, because I have forgotten (or at least put out of mind) most of my short existence in this life, and sometimes music brings it back, if only for short moments.

How Erin ruined my vacation, part 1

So we're at the beautiful Rock Creek lake, and we'd just found the coolest little hike-in camping spot, and I'd FINALLY caught a little brook trout after months of anticipation, when we decided to move to the lake to fish. Here it is:

So I set Erin up with a spincast rod and a rooster tail, because they are the easiest and most likely combination to help her catch a fish. As I was just settling in and had my eyes on a roaming rout, I hear "Um, honey. I hooked my leg. Can you come get it out?"
Well, I figured sure, it'd be no problem. Wrong again. She'd lodged TWO of the tines on the treble hook firmly in her leg. I didn't have a knife or a razor, so we got the camp host to clip off the rest of the lure from the hook. It looked like this:
Anyway, we made an unexpected trip to the ER in Mammoth, where we had the quickest ER visit EVER, though they looked at Erin like she was a dope for coming in to get a hook out, until they realized it was two tines. Then the doctor tied string around both parts, gave a yank, and the hook was removed. The best thing (besides the quick turn-around) was that it cost us nothing at all... Hooray for E's bitchen insurance!
Here she is finishing the admittance paperwork. Notice the hook still in her leg.


We made it back to camp in under 3 hours, got a decent night's sleep, and were up and fishing at 7:15. I caught 5 fish this morning, and Erin hasn't maimed herself yet, so I guess all is well and I can forgive her for the lost hours of fishing last night. She even tried her hand at fly-fishing again this morning, though she promptly got tangled in a tree immediately following this photo:


We had to make a run to town (hence this blog-post) but now we're headed back to camp, and more fish. This morning was good, and though the five I caught were from 8 to 14 inches, I nearly fell in when a bruiser of a brown trout (he was at least 20 inches and 3 lbs.) swam right by my feet as I was casting to a pod of risers. I have needs to make said fish my bitch, and barring any catastrophe, will give it my best shot.
And by the way, you better not fall in, hook yourself, get bitten by the giant coyote roaming camp, contract rabies from a marmot or whatever else might interfere with my pursuit of fish Erin! :)

Gaaahhh!

Some people have too much time on their hands. I'm one of those people, at least for the next month or so. I'd like to be one of the ones who knows how to use their free time to do something creative, or constructive, or social, or whatever, but Elaine pretty much nailed it when she said "look around, say 'fuck it,' and go sit on the couch and look for more cool things on the internet" in response to my post a few days back.
We have had friends visiting from Cali for the last few days, which has been great, as it's gotten us out of the house. However, Toyota still hasn't finished our car yet, but they at least gave us a rental with AC so we can now leave the house without having to put up with extreme discomfort. I had to drive the van across town yesterday at 4:00, and I'm not exaggerating when I say it was at least 120 degrees in my car, because it was about 112 outside and my van was much, much hotter. By the time I got home, I was hot to the point of nearly tearing up, and I was practically delirious. But then Erin showed up in a scion with excellent AC, and I was so happy we just drove around the block a few times to recapture the feeling of driving without being miserable.
So anyway, we were out with our friends, hanging out by the pool after dark, and, to my horror, Erin was wondering "who the fat guy with our friend was," when she realized it was me.
Fucking ouch!
But it is true. My spare tire has expanded in the last months or so up toward my shoulders, and my thighs brush against each other when I walk, which is really, really annoying.
I don't look like a blimp or anything, but goddamn it if I haven't always assumed I'd be skinny as a rail without ever having to worry about it. And now I'm not.
I eat pretty healthy, but have done dick for exercise for the last few months, and it's starting to show.
So we went to the gym today, but I'm not very hopeful at the moment. I've been doing the gym thing on and off for several years, and I'm obviously not doing something right. Although to be fair, I've never really gained significant weight or changed pant or shirt sizes until the last few months. This simply will not do.
OK, enough complaining and enough whining. I'll post something more cheerful someday, maybe.

another reason why I LOVE Texas... The Texas GOP!

Ok, ok...

I really only am fond of Texas for its geography and the few of you that still live there.
BUT...
I am amused (in the same way you can be amused by the senile old uncle who's so brain damaged that he gets away with racial slurs and blatant sexism) of the shamelessly racist, anti-feminist, and otherwise bigoted way that the Texas GOP handles itself.

At least in Texas, they don't secretly pretend not to be racist while cracking nigger jokes and wetback jokes under their breath, no sir. They proudly hock things like this at their state republican convention.

Who says Texas aint great?

Trying to find something constructive to do

So since I'm not going to Switzerland, we don't have a trip to Tetons/Yellowstone in the works, and I'm not teaching summer school, and I just finished my second 6 hour doctoral class by writing a 24 page paper (with sappy accolades from the professor and a high "A" ), not to mention the fact that our only car with A/C needs a new engine (and it's been hitting the 100-teens in town the last few days), I find myself for the first time facing a summer break with no plans, no transportation, and no money (the car's only going to be about $2200 instead of $4000, but still). So I'm trying to find cheap, constructive things to occupy my time. Erin and I will go camping once the car is fixed, but in the mean time, I'm not sure what to do with myself, so I made a list, and here it is:

make a trailer for my bicycle

pack up my old classroom

fix things around the house, including but not limited to a broken window, loose faucet, roof leak, and broken tile in the bathroom

do some routine maintenance on the motorcycle

clean up yard

I fully anticipate having these things completed by this coming Sunday. The only hitch is all the outside things will need to be done early, because it's just too hot to sit in the driveway, for example, any time after about 10:00 a.m.
So anyway, while I was trying to find the link to the plans for the bicycle trailer, I found this site which is full of great DIY projects... Check it out.

Jesus Christ, did you see that?!

OK,
For what it is worth, I have sooo felt like Tammy before, wishing on the one hand that I had it in me to just give in to the fairytale of the prevalent Christian faith, for no other reason than to feel connected, both to others and to the big scary unknown, and on the other hand, being afraid of that happening to me against my will.
I've known too many good people over the years who, after not having seen them for awhile, have suddenly found Jesus, and become less than they were. I'm sure they would see it just the opposite, but I'm speaking selfishly here. When people I've known go all Jesus-y, they invariably become more shallow in every conceivable way as far as my interactions with them are concerned. Period. I NEVER want to do that. And I don't care to enter into any type of theological debate here either. I'm just saying that in my experience, every person I've known who has found Jesus has suffered a tangible loss that affects me directly. And it isn't just my bias against religion that makes me see it. I've noticed the change in certain friends before they revealed their new-found faith. It's nothing I want, and while I can understand their belief in the benefit of their new faith, I just don't believe it to be anything more than a giving -up, or a settling-for.
Death, God, what happens next.... all of it is so uncertain, and I as much as anyone else yearn for the truth... but not so much so that I am willing to accept anyone's belief structure because parts of it seem to ring true. I am constantly struggling with reconciling my belief that there is a God and the uncertainty of ever knowing. One thing I know IS certain is that life is short, very short, and it is all we know we have, and that the only consequences that I am concerned about relate to this life. I struggle not with the what-if's of what comes after, but with the choices I make with the limited time I have.
I'm not a person who needs a great deal of comfort, and I guess that is both a blessing and a curse.
My father's dying made me realize that I squandered a lot of time, and I wish I had worked harder at setting things right with him. But now that he's gone, I'm not concerned with ever seeing him again. What I have left of him that he left behind is nothing tangible, but it's enough... it has to be. There's nothing else.
But that's OK.
I used to be afraid of turning into my father. And there are parts of him, big parts, that I see in myself that I am still afraid of and that I don't want. But his passing has revealed to me the good parts he's left in me, and they are good things.
I believe in the divine nature of the human spirit. And I don't mean spirit in the sense of some entity that goes on after our bodies perish. And I don't mean divine in the sense of some omnipotent power. I mean spirit in the sense of a human willingness to step into the unknown boldly and joyfully, embracing the fear and uncertainty that comes along with doing so, just to see what is possible. And I mean divine in the sense of brushing against something larger than just one life. Whether that's an idea, or a force of nature, or some collective subconscious or whatever, it is connecting to something bigger than just our own limited experience.
Though my dad made his way back to church in his later years, that is not what he left me that I value. He left me something greater than that.
His appreciation of performance art and music verged on awe, and this perception is something we share. It is a huge part of what gives me comfort. It is the way I see the divine, and it doesn't come from an outside source; it is purely human.
It's in the amazing stories of people exceeding the limits of what came before, whether in art or science or politics... in all the thousands and thousands of ways people do it every day, that I find comfort and hope and connectedness. And most importantly, inspiration to join in and participate in the unique gift of being human.
To illustrate my point, I offer these few things; they are just examples of some of the amazing things people can do that happened to come my way today.

Read about how scientists are combining viruses and nanotechnology to be beneficial.

Read here to check out one of my favorite poems by on of my favorite poets.

Now watch these videos. I mean, DAMN...

Second Childhood

My dad wrote for his church newsletter. The following piece was written by him, about a week before he died. I think it's the best thing he wrote.

Second Childhood
By Tony Downey

When I first heard the expression, "He's living his second childhood," I had no idea what it meant. I thought it referred to an older man purchasing a flashy sports car, marrying a woman half his age, or dyeing his hair and using tanning lotion - actions resulting from a desire to look many years younger and recapture his long lost youth. But now, after more than seven decades on this planet, I've come to realize what the expression really means, at least in my case. It is a mixture of nostalgia, youthful innocence, forgotten potential and unrequited love. I find all of these images in my recurrent memories, drifting back to my own childhood when everything was so clean and simple. I recall the sound of music, the taste of sweetness the thrill of cold rain on my face on a hot day, the unbridled freedom taken for granted, peer status with my pals, the smell of earth as Spring thaws the frozen ground; the softness of my mother's touch, the absolute authority of my father.

But then I grew up and learned the ways of the world: ambition, competition, conflict, jealousy, selfishness, arrogance, hatred, lies and frustration. Surrounded by these elements, I fought to stay above them, but fell victim to many - many more than I wish to confess. It is only by God's grace that I have survived, bent, but not broken. While not yet counting my days, I can see these final events looming on the not so distant horizon.

Falling back into my second childhood, remembering and relishing these boyhood memories of blissful ignorance, I am able to bask in the enduring peace and forgiveness and look forward to that ultimate reconciliation, when all that was will be again, and I return as a child of the light.

I don't hold to my father's religious convictions, but I am happy that they gave him solace, and that he died as he always hoped he would: quickly and unexpectedly, and at peace with all his children.

I have to admit, this is pretty uncanny...

So my brother sent me this link, and it is pretty cool... check it out!