... this video is awesome anyway. Again, shout-outs to my moms- in-law for sending it my way!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
You mean besides the health issues?
I'm awesome. It's true. I know I can sometimes come across as an arrogant prick to some people, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm really good at my job and that I know how things ought to be done. Lemme just give y'all the run-down on my awesomeness so far this year, which I've managed to engage in between the endless friggin' doctors appointments and bouts of fatigue...
We are working on shifting our curriculum toward the IB (which stands for International Baccalureate) structure, as it really is a better standard than AP. What that means in a practical sense is that the organization of our curriculum needs to become more enmeshed, with less homework, more cross-curricular activities and assessment, and a driving base of social conscience at its heart. This is exactly the kind of work as a teacher that I love, and thanks to my circumstances being what they are this year, I've basically been given free reign to shape exactly what that means for our fifth grade. And I am really, really good at it. Here, in a nutshell, is the curriculum plan I've developed for this year:
Our theme for fifth grade is The Emerging American Identity. Or focus across all subjects is going to be on what it means to be an American, and how that meaning has changed over time as various minority groups have struggled against oppression. In history, we are beginning our study with the Civil War. We will be studying from then to present day, focusing on the political and social changes that have occurred, focusing on the struggle for equality of a variety of minority groups and the cause and effect relationships those struggles have had on one another. Beginning with the struggles of African-Americans immediately after the civil war, we will look at the meaning of American identity as it relates to the struggles of groups (focusing primarily on women, Indians, immigrants, and African-Americans) within our society to achieve greater equality, not just under the letter of the law but in the practice of daily living.
Paralleling our history studies are our reading texts. We have five core novels that we're reading as a class this year, each coinciding with the timeline we're following in History, and each dealing with the struggles of discrimination.
We started with The House of Dies Drear, which takes place in the 1960's but is set in a house famous for its role in the Underground Railroad.
Next is My Last Skirt, based on the true story of Albert Cashier (really Jennie Hodges) an Irish immigrant girl who lived her life pretending to be a man so she could earn her way fairly through life and so she could fight for her country during the Civil War.
Next is Hattie Big Sky, a story set at the turn of the 20th century, that exemplifies issues of both women and Indians at that time.
Following that is Dave at Night, a story of a Jewish immigrant in NY in the 1920's.
Finally, is A Year Down Yonder, set in the Depression era.
In addition, I created a book list of 35 or so books, all of which deal with American history and/or issues of the social ramifications of oppression and prejudice. I've read most the books on the list, and those I haven't read are all award winners and are on the list of best books for middle school put out by the American Library Association. And students are allowed to read any book not on the list, so long as they can compellingly justify why it fits our theme. They are required to read a minimum of three independent books each quarter in addition to our group books, and they must do a project on each.
I created a list of 30 projects which they may choose from. There are five categories of projects, which are Artistic, Written, Oratory, Technology, and Synthesis. Each category focuses on a different presentaion style, and students may choose any project for any book, so long as they complete one from each group by the end of the semester. From orally presented biographies, to written comics, to powerpoint presentations to presenting lessons to the class, my students have a wide range of assessments that they get to choose from, and which thoroughly cover multiple learning styles as well as basic literary elements.
So far the projects have been amazing. The students have chosen some interesting books not on the list, and I am enjoying the few on the list that I am reading for the first time. Of course, you can imagine my chagrin when I just tonight discovered that the currently most-popular book, The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian, has several pages devoted to confessions of masturbation, and sports such phrases as "Hey chief, did you know indians were made when niggers fucked buffalo?"
I am seriously hoping that the kids will be too embarrassed to tell their parents, but if I get any flack, I'll just fall back on that old first amendment thingy, as well as the fact that the book has won so many awards and so much praise the the jacket can't contain it all. There is noe explicit sex, and really, the book is just so blatantly honest and good that it's easy to move past the things that are prone to make 5th grader shocked and giggly.
Moving on...
In English, we're spending 2 days a week doing grammar, and two focused on writing. On the fifth day we apply those communication skills to Touchpoints, which is the program I was sent to Mexico to help develop, right before school started.
Touchpoints is an ongoing collaboration via technology, which culminates in two live video conferencing sessions between partner classes. Our partner class is in Monterrey, Mexico, and our topic this year is poverty.
Our course of action this year in Touchpoints goes right along with our overarchingl theme, as poverty is an issue deeply connected to issues of inequity and prejudice. To start us out I created a wiki page, and both classes (mine and my partner in Mexico's) introduced themselves and their communities via powerpoint presentations that they created in the computer lab. Next, we did some reflexive writing on poverty, to determine our own views, and then we compared our views with our partner class's views, to look for similarities and differences.
We will be using the wiki as our primary contact point, and students will work in small groups to investigate different aspects of poverty from a top-down approach. Starting with world poverty, then moving to country, state and city, each group will focus on a different aspect of poverty at each level. The aspects will be demographics, the response of government to the impoverished, community based action, and enduring problems.
At the two big video conference meetings, the two groups with the same topic (one from each school) will present their findings for their peers in some type of interactive lesson or activity.
So, that's what I've been up to.
We are working on shifting our curriculum toward the IB (which stands for International Baccalureate) structure, as it really is a better standard than AP. What that means in a practical sense is that the organization of our curriculum needs to become more enmeshed, with less homework, more cross-curricular activities and assessment, and a driving base of social conscience at its heart. This is exactly the kind of work as a teacher that I love, and thanks to my circumstances being what they are this year, I've basically been given free reign to shape exactly what that means for our fifth grade. And I am really, really good at it. Here, in a nutshell, is the curriculum plan I've developed for this year:
Our theme for fifth grade is The Emerging American Identity. Or focus across all subjects is going to be on what it means to be an American, and how that meaning has changed over time as various minority groups have struggled against oppression. In history, we are beginning our study with the Civil War. We will be studying from then to present day, focusing on the political and social changes that have occurred, focusing on the struggle for equality of a variety of minority groups and the cause and effect relationships those struggles have had on one another. Beginning with the struggles of African-Americans immediately after the civil war, we will look at the meaning of American identity as it relates to the struggles of groups (focusing primarily on women, Indians, immigrants, and African-Americans) within our society to achieve greater equality, not just under the letter of the law but in the practice of daily living.
Paralleling our history studies are our reading texts. We have five core novels that we're reading as a class this year, each coinciding with the timeline we're following in History, and each dealing with the struggles of discrimination.
We started with The House of Dies Drear, which takes place in the 1960's but is set in a house famous for its role in the Underground Railroad.
Next is My Last Skirt, based on the true story of Albert Cashier (really Jennie Hodges) an Irish immigrant girl who lived her life pretending to be a man so she could earn her way fairly through life and so she could fight for her country during the Civil War.
Next is Hattie Big Sky, a story set at the turn of the 20th century, that exemplifies issues of both women and Indians at that time.
Following that is Dave at Night, a story of a Jewish immigrant in NY in the 1920's.
Finally, is A Year Down Yonder, set in the Depression era.
In addition, I created a book list of 35 or so books, all of which deal with American history and/or issues of the social ramifications of oppression and prejudice. I've read most the books on the list, and those I haven't read are all award winners and are on the list of best books for middle school put out by the American Library Association. And students are allowed to read any book not on the list, so long as they can compellingly justify why it fits our theme. They are required to read a minimum of three independent books each quarter in addition to our group books, and they must do a project on each.
I created a list of 30 projects which they may choose from. There are five categories of projects, which are Artistic, Written, Oratory, Technology, and Synthesis. Each category focuses on a different presentaion style, and students may choose any project for any book, so long as they complete one from each group by the end of the semester. From orally presented biographies, to written comics, to powerpoint presentations to presenting lessons to the class, my students have a wide range of assessments that they get to choose from, and which thoroughly cover multiple learning styles as well as basic literary elements.
So far the projects have been amazing. The students have chosen some interesting books not on the list, and I am enjoying the few on the list that I am reading for the first time. Of course, you can imagine my chagrin when I just tonight discovered that the currently most-popular book, The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian, has several pages devoted to confessions of masturbation, and sports such phrases as "Hey chief, did you know indians were made when niggers fucked buffalo?"
I am seriously hoping that the kids will be too embarrassed to tell their parents, but if I get any flack, I'll just fall back on that old first amendment thingy, as well as the fact that the book has won so many awards and so much praise the the jacket can't contain it all. There is noe explicit sex, and really, the book is just so blatantly honest and good that it's easy to move past the things that are prone to make 5th grader shocked and giggly.
Moving on...
In English, we're spending 2 days a week doing grammar, and two focused on writing. On the fifth day we apply those communication skills to Touchpoints, which is the program I was sent to Mexico to help develop, right before school started.
Touchpoints is an ongoing collaboration via technology, which culminates in two live video conferencing sessions between partner classes. Our partner class is in Monterrey, Mexico, and our topic this year is poverty.
Our course of action this year in Touchpoints goes right along with our overarchingl theme, as poverty is an issue deeply connected to issues of inequity and prejudice. To start us out I created a wiki page, and both classes (mine and my partner in Mexico's) introduced themselves and their communities via powerpoint presentations that they created in the computer lab. Next, we did some reflexive writing on poverty, to determine our own views, and then we compared our views with our partner class's views, to look for similarities and differences.
We will be using the wiki as our primary contact point, and students will work in small groups to investigate different aspects of poverty from a top-down approach. Starting with world poverty, then moving to country, state and city, each group will focus on a different aspect of poverty at each level. The aspects will be demographics, the response of government to the impoverished, community based action, and enduring problems.
At the two big video conference meetings, the two groups with the same topic (one from each school) will present their findings for their peers in some type of interactive lesson or activity.
So, that's what I've been up to.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
One week and counting
My first shoulder surgery is next Friday. I'm not really nervous, except for the possibility that it may wind up doing nothing to improve things.
This week I finally had a CT scan and an EMG done, both of which are meant to help diagnose the problems in my neck, and hopefully within a few days I'll know more. The not knowing doesn't help things.
The Monday before last, something weird happened. I woke up, and had an almost completely pain-free day. It was incredible! I've been seeing a therapist for a month or so, and it happened to be on that day, and she remarked about how balanced I seemed. I didn't really expect the pain to be gone forever, so I just sort of enjoyed the reprieve, and fantasized about how productive I could possibly be once I get past these nerve issues.
Unfortunately (though not surprisingly) the next day the pain and tingling and numbness were back, and since then, things have returned to the status quo.
I almost wish that that Monday had never happened, but on the other hand, it at least gives me some hope that things can get back to normal. I am beginning to think that stress is playing a much larger role in my ills than I previously realized, and I keep entertaining fantasies of quitting my job and finding a new life where I can fish, and play poker, and write (and I won't have to force myself to do it!) whenever I want, and I'll want to do all those things and more, because I won't have to worry about being a good parent, or a loving husband, or a good friend, because I'll just naturally be those things already, once I'm free from the burdens of adulthood.
I wish.
What it really boils down to though, is that I'm just kind of melancholy at the moment for having to grow old, and nostalgic for those times in my youth where I really didn't have any stress, and where there was plenty of time in the future to worry about things like work, or my family, or my health, or whatever. I miss those days.
But in reality I'd never really just up and quit my job. I like my job. I'd even do it for free (or at least most of it) if I had the financial means not to need it. It's just that sometimes it gets overwhelming, and sometimes you ask yourself the question, "Is the impact I'm having worth the personal sacrifices it costs?"
This week I finally had a CT scan and an EMG done, both of which are meant to help diagnose the problems in my neck, and hopefully within a few days I'll know more. The not knowing doesn't help things.
The Monday before last, something weird happened. I woke up, and had an almost completely pain-free day. It was incredible! I've been seeing a therapist for a month or so, and it happened to be on that day, and she remarked about how balanced I seemed. I didn't really expect the pain to be gone forever, so I just sort of enjoyed the reprieve, and fantasized about how productive I could possibly be once I get past these nerve issues.
Unfortunately (though not surprisingly) the next day the pain and tingling and numbness were back, and since then, things have returned to the status quo.
I almost wish that that Monday had never happened, but on the other hand, it at least gives me some hope that things can get back to normal. I am beginning to think that stress is playing a much larger role in my ills than I previously realized, and I keep entertaining fantasies of quitting my job and finding a new life where I can fish, and play poker, and write (and I won't have to force myself to do it!) whenever I want, and I'll want to do all those things and more, because I won't have to worry about being a good parent, or a loving husband, or a good friend, because I'll just naturally be those things already, once I'm free from the burdens of adulthood.
I wish.
What it really boils down to though, is that I'm just kind of melancholy at the moment for having to grow old, and nostalgic for those times in my youth where I really didn't have any stress, and where there was plenty of time in the future to worry about things like work, or my family, or my health, or whatever. I miss those days.
But in reality I'd never really just up and quit my job. I like my job. I'd even do it for free (or at least most of it) if I had the financial means not to need it. It's just that sometimes it gets overwhelming, and sometimes you ask yourself the question, "Is the impact I'm having worth the personal sacrifices it costs?"
Monday, October 13, 2008
Please don't read this one, mom...
Or if you do, don't mention it when we see you!
I run an after-school comics club on Mondays. We spend our time either reading, writing or drawing comics, and I have lots of fun with it. Today, we worked on poetry comics, which is where you take a poem and try to use the imagery to make a coherent comic. Shell Silverstein comics are a particularly good place to start, as the poems are very visual and often funny. I will post some of my students' comics in the near future, when they are done.
As most of you know, I am a huge fan of graphic novels and of comics in general. However, I am realizing that the selection of my favorite comics I can share with my club is narrower than I first imagined. Just too many of my favorites too are "R" rated in content to share with 5th and 6th graders. This is unfortunate, because among my favorites are some excellent examples of genre bending, which I'd just love to share with someone besides Erin. Ideally, I could do comics club with the High School or even college aged students, who would be mature enough to deal with the content and educated enough to examine them more as Art or Social Commentary.
Anyway, One of my favorite web comics, Questionable Content, led me to the following comic, which was terribly funny. For those Palin-McCain fans out there (I hear you're out there somewhere!) maybe you ought to stop here.
Making comics is fun!
I run an after-school comics club on Mondays. We spend our time either reading, writing or drawing comics, and I have lots of fun with it. Today, we worked on poetry comics, which is where you take a poem and try to use the imagery to make a coherent comic. Shell Silverstein comics are a particularly good place to start, as the poems are very visual and often funny. I will post some of my students' comics in the near future, when they are done.
As most of you know, I am a huge fan of graphic novels and of comics in general. However, I am realizing that the selection of my favorite comics I can share with my club is narrower than I first imagined. Just too many of my favorites too are "R" rated in content to share with 5th and 6th graders. This is unfortunate, because among my favorites are some excellent examples of genre bending, which I'd just love to share with someone besides Erin. Ideally, I could do comics club with the High School or even college aged students, who would be mature enough to deal with the content and educated enough to examine them more as Art or Social Commentary.
Anyway, One of my favorite web comics, Questionable Content, led me to the following comic, which was terribly funny. For those Palin-McCain fans out there (I hear you're out there somewhere!) maybe you ought to stop here.
Making comics is fun!
Sunday, September 28, 2008
She spent all day in the sock drawer
Our cat, Calamity, just jumped up into Erin's lap. She's been sleeping on my socks and underwear in the top drawer of our dresser since 10 this morning.
It's got to be nice to be a cat.
It's got to be nice to be a cat.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
more political stuff
For the record,
I didn't write the bulk of my last post; I'm not really capable of that kind of creativity this early in the school year. BUT...
I agree with it, so that's that.
Here's another interesting thing I came across, concerning the latest bail-out plans... Do the math yourself, and you'll see it IS accurate. Kinda blows your mind, huh?
Oh, and Tammy... you didn't leave a link to the specific post you wanted me to respond to, so send it please. :)
So, the following post is a few weeks old. Considering that the bailout is no longer 85 billion, but 700 billion, you can multiply the projected disbursements to citizens by NINE... JESUS, it's CRAZY!
OK.....here's a plan I could live with.
Hi Pals, I'm against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG. Instead, I'm in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a We Deserve It Dividend. To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S.
Citizens 18+. Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child.
So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up.. So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000.00. My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a We Deserve It Dividend.
Of course, it would NOT be tax free.
So let's assume a tax rate of 30%. Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes.
That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam. But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket.
A husband and wife team has $595,000.00. What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?
Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.
Repay college loans - what a great boost to new grads Put away money for college - it'll be there Save in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs.
Buy a new car - create jobs Invest in the market - capital drives growth Pay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improves Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean - or else Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And, of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces. If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's really do it...instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ("vote buy") economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President. If we're going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+! As for AIG - liquidate it. Sell off its parts. Let American General go back to being American General.
Sell off the real estate. Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up. Here's my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn't. Sure it's a crazy idea that can "never work." But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party! How do you spell Economic Boom? I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion We Deserve It Dividend more than do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC.
And remember, The Birk plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam. Ahhh...I feel so much better getting that off my chest.
Kindest personal regards, Birk T. J. Birkenmeier, A Creative Guy & Citizen of the Republic PS: Feel free to pass this along to your pals as it's either good for a laugh or a tear or a very sobering thought on how to best use $85 Billion!!
I didn't write the bulk of my last post; I'm not really capable of that kind of creativity this early in the school year. BUT...
I agree with it, so that's that.
Here's another interesting thing I came across, concerning the latest bail-out plans... Do the math yourself, and you'll see it IS accurate. Kinda blows your mind, huh?
Oh, and Tammy... you didn't leave a link to the specific post you wanted me to respond to, so send it please. :)
So, the following post is a few weeks old. Considering that the bailout is no longer 85 billion, but 700 billion, you can multiply the projected disbursements to citizens by NINE... JESUS, it's CRAZY!
OK.....here's a plan I could live with.
Hi Pals, I'm against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG. Instead, I'm in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a We Deserve It Dividend. To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S.
Citizens 18+. Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child.
So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up.. So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000.00. My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a We Deserve It Dividend.
Of course, it would NOT be tax free.
So let's assume a tax rate of 30%. Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes.
That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam. But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket.
A husband and wife team has $595,000.00. What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?
Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.
Repay college loans - what a great boost to new grads Put away money for college - it'll be there Save in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs.
Buy a new car - create jobs Invest in the market - capital drives growth Pay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improves Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean - or else Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And, of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces. If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's really do it...instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ("vote buy") economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President. If we're going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+! As for AIG - liquidate it. Sell off its parts. Let American General go back to being American General.
Sell off the real estate. Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up. Here's my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn't. Sure it's a crazy idea that can "never work." But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party! How do you spell Economic Boom? I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion We Deserve It Dividend more than do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC.
And remember, The Birk plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam. Ahhh...I feel so much better getting that off my chest.
Kindest personal regards, Birk T. J. Birkenmeier, A Creative Guy & Citizen of the Republic PS: Feel free to pass this along to your pals as it's either good for a laugh or a tear or a very sobering thought on how to best use $85 Billion!!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Let's get political, political...
think Olivia Newton John, and pronounce it 'plitical' as you read he title...)
OK.
In case you didn't know, I happen NOT to be a Republican (I prefer my thinking to reflect the complexities of reality, and my reasoning to be littered with facts, not emotions) and as a result the only reason I'm excited about Palin being on the Republican ticket is because I'm holding on to the hope that, as misguided as most Republicans are, even they aren't flat-out ignorant enough to want this woman a step away from the presidency.
Naturally, her now-vocal supporters have a slew of justifications for their support, in spite of Palin's many deficiencies in exactly the areas the Republicans attacked Obama for. I've been mulling this over for a few weeks now, and then my Moms-in-law sent Erin and I the following message. It sums up Palin hysteria in that it explains symptoms of the afflicition and their root cause...
Let me see if I have this straight…..
• If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you're 'exotic, different.'
• Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, you are a quintessential American story.
• If your name is Barack you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.
• Name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, you're a maverick.
• Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable.
• Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you're well grounded.
• If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience.
• If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking executive.
• If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.
• If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a Christian.
• If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.
• If , while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state's school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant , you're very responsible.
• If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values don't represent America's.
• If you're husband is nicknamed 'First Dude', with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn't register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.
OK, much clearer now.
For those who still can't grasp the concept of white privilege, or who are constantly looking for some easy-to-understand examples of it, perhaps this list will help.
White privilege is when you can get pregnant at seventeen like Bristol Palin and everyone is quick to insist that your life and that of your family is a personal matter, and that no one has a right to judge you or your parents, because "every family has challenges," even as black and Latino families with similar "challenges" are regularly typified as irresponsible, pathological and arbiters of social decay.
White privilege is when you can call yourself a "fuckin' redneck," like Bristol Palin's boyfriend does, and talk about how if anyone messes with you, you'll "kick their f ... in' ass," and talk about how you like to "shoot s..t" for fun, and still be viewed as a responsible, all-American boy (and a
great son-in-law to be) rather than a thug.
White privilege is when you can attend four different colleges in six years like Sarah Palin did (one of which you basically failed out of, then returned to after making up some coursework at a community college), and no one questions your intelligence or commitment to achievement, whereas a person of color who did this would be viewed as unfit for college, and probably someone who only got in in the first place because of affirmative action.
White privilege is when you can claim that being mayor of a town smaller than most medium-sized colleges, and then Governor of a state with about the same number of people as the lower fifth of the island of Manhattan, makes you ready to potentially be president, and people don't all piss on themselves with laughter, while being a black U.S. Senator, two-term state Senator, and constitutional law scholar, means you're "untested."
White privilege is being able to say that you support the words "under God" in the pledge of allegiance because "if it was good enough for the founding fathers, it's good enough for me," and not be immediately disqualified from holding office--since, after all, the pledge was written in the late 1800s and the "under God" part wasn't added until the 1950s--while believing that
reading accused criminals and terrorists their rights (because, ya know, the Constitution, which you used to teach at a prestigious law school requires it), is a dangerous and silly idea only supported by mushy liberals.
White privilege is being able to be a gun enthusiast and not make people immediately scared of you.
White privilege is being able to have a husband who was a member of an extremist political party that wants your state to secede from the Union, and whose motto was "Alaska first," and no one questions your patriotism or that of your family, while if you're black and your spouse merely fails to come to a 9/11 memorial so she can be home with her kids on the first day of
school, people immediately think she's being disrespectful.
White privilege is being able to make fun of community organizers and the work they do--like, among other things, fight for the right of women to vote, or for civil rights, or the 8-hour workday, or an end to child labor--and people think you're being pithy and tough, but if you merely question the experience of a small town mayor and 18-month governor with no
foreign policy expertise beyond a class she took in college--you're somehow being mean, or even sexist.
White privilege is being able to convince white women who don't even agree with you on any substantive issue to vote for you and your running mate anyway, because all of a sudden your presence on the ticket has inspired confidence in these same white women, and made them give your party a "second look."
White privilege is being able to fire people who didn't support your political campaigns and not be accused of abusing your power or being a typical politician who engages in favoritism, while being black and merely knowing some folks from the old-line political machines in Chicago means you
must be corrupt.
White privilege is being able to attend churches over the years whose pastors say that people who voted for John Kerry or merely criticize George W. Bush are going to hell, and that the U.S. is an explicitly Christian nation and the job of Christians is to bring Christian theological
principles into government, and who bring in speakers who say the conflict in the Middle East is God's punishment on Jews for r ejecting Jesus, and everyone can still think you're just a good church-going Christian, but if you're black and friends with a black pastor who has noted (as have Colin Powell and the U.S. Department of Defense) that terrorist attacks are often
the result of U.S. foreign policy and who talks about the history of racism and its effect on black people, you're an extremist who probably hates America.
White privilege is not knowing what the Bush Doctrine is when asked by a reporter, and then people get angry at the reporter for asking you such a "trick question," while being black and merely refusing to give one-word answers to the queries of Bill O'Reilly means you're dodging the question, or trying to seem overly intellectual and nuanced.
White privilege is being able to claim your experience as a POW has anything at all to do with your fitness for president, while being black and experiencing racism is, as Sarah Palin has referred to it a "light" burden. And finally, white privilege is the only thing that could possibly allow someone to become president when he has voted with George W. Bush 90 percent of the time, even as unemployment is skyrocketing, people are losing their homes, inflation is rising, and the U.S. is increasingly isolated from world opinion, just because white voters aren't sure about that whole "change" thing. Ya know, it's just too vague and ill-defined, unlike, say, four more years of the same, which is20very concrete and certain.
White privilege is, in short, the problem.
OK.
In case you didn't know, I happen NOT to be a Republican (I prefer my thinking to reflect the complexities of reality, and my reasoning to be littered with facts, not emotions) and as a result the only reason I'm excited about Palin being on the Republican ticket is because I'm holding on to the hope that, as misguided as most Republicans are, even they aren't flat-out ignorant enough to want this woman a step away from the presidency.
Naturally, her now-vocal supporters have a slew of justifications for their support, in spite of Palin's many deficiencies in exactly the areas the Republicans attacked Obama for. I've been mulling this over for a few weeks now, and then my Moms-in-law sent Erin and I the following message. It sums up Palin hysteria in that it explains symptoms of the afflicition and their root cause...
Let me see if I have this straight…..
• If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you're 'exotic, different.'
• Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, you are a quintessential American story.
• If your name is Barack you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.
• Name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, you're a maverick.
• Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable.
• Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you're well grounded.
• If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience.
• If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking executive.
• If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.
• If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a Christian.
• If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.
• If , while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state's school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant , you're very responsible.
• If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values don't represent America's.
• If you're husband is nicknamed 'First Dude', with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn't register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.
OK, much clearer now.
For those who still can't grasp the concept of white privilege, or who are constantly looking for some easy-to-understand examples of it, perhaps this list will help.
White privilege is when you can get pregnant at seventeen like Bristol Palin and everyone is quick to insist that your life and that of your family is a personal matter, and that no one has a right to judge you or your parents, because "every family has challenges," even as black and Latino families with similar "challenges" are regularly typified as irresponsible, pathological and arbiters of social decay.
White privilege is when you can call yourself a "fuckin' redneck," like Bristol Palin's boyfriend does, and talk about how if anyone messes with you, you'll "kick their f ... in' ass," and talk about how you like to "shoot s..t" for fun, and still be viewed as a responsible, all-American boy (and a
great son-in-law to be) rather than a thug.
White privilege is when you can attend four different colleges in six years like Sarah Palin did (one of which you basically failed out of, then returned to after making up some coursework at a community college), and no one questions your intelligence or commitment to achievement, whereas a person of color who did this would be viewed as unfit for college, and probably someone who only got in in the first place because of affirmative action.
White privilege is when you can claim that being mayor of a town smaller than most medium-sized colleges, and then Governor of a state with about the same number of people as the lower fifth of the island of Manhattan, makes you ready to potentially be president, and people don't all piss on themselves with laughter, while being a black U.S. Senator, two-term state Senator, and constitutional law scholar, means you're "untested."
White privilege is being able to say that you support the words "under God" in the pledge of allegiance because "if it was good enough for the founding fathers, it's good enough for me," and not be immediately disqualified from holding office--since, after all, the pledge was written in the late 1800s and the "under God" part wasn't added until the 1950s--while believing that
reading accused criminals and terrorists their rights (because, ya know, the Constitution, which you used to teach at a prestigious law school requires it), is a dangerous and silly idea only supported by mushy liberals.
White privilege is being able to be a gun enthusiast and not make people immediately scared of you.
White privilege is being able to have a husband who was a member of an extremist political party that wants your state to secede from the Union, and whose motto was "Alaska first," and no one questions your patriotism or that of your family, while if you're black and your spouse merely fails to come to a 9/11 memorial so she can be home with her kids on the first day of
school, people immediately think she's being disrespectful.
White privilege is being able to make fun of community organizers and the work they do--like, among other things, fight for the right of women to vote, or for civil rights, or the 8-hour workday, or an end to child labor--and people think you're being pithy and tough, but if you merely question the experience of a small town mayor and 18-month governor with no
foreign policy expertise beyond a class she took in college--you're somehow being mean, or even sexist.
White privilege is being able to convince white women who don't even agree with you on any substantive issue to vote for you and your running mate anyway, because all of a sudden your presence on the ticket has inspired confidence in these same white women, and made them give your party a "second look."
White privilege is being able to fire people who didn't support your political campaigns and not be accused of abusing your power or being a typical politician who engages in favoritism, while being black and merely knowing some folks from the old-line political machines in Chicago means you
must be corrupt.
White privilege is being able to attend churches over the years whose pastors say that people who voted for John Kerry or merely criticize George W. Bush are going to hell, and that the U.S. is an explicitly Christian nation and the job of Christians is to bring Christian theological
principles into government, and who bring in speakers who say the conflict in the Middle East is God's punishment on Jews for r ejecting Jesus, and everyone can still think you're just a good church-going Christian, but if you're black and friends with a black pastor who has noted (as have Colin Powell and the U.S. Department of Defense) that terrorist attacks are often
the result of U.S. foreign policy and who talks about the history of racism and its effect on black people, you're an extremist who probably hates America.
White privilege is not knowing what the Bush Doctrine is when asked by a reporter, and then people get angry at the reporter for asking you such a "trick question," while being black and merely refusing to give one-word answers to the queries of Bill O'Reilly means you're dodging the question, or trying to seem overly intellectual and nuanced.
White privilege is being able to claim your experience as a POW has anything at all to do with your fitness for president, while being black and experiencing racism is, as Sarah Palin has referred to it a "light" burden. And finally, white privilege is the only thing that could possibly allow someone to become president when he has voted with George W. Bush 90 percent of the time, even as unemployment is skyrocketing, people are losing their homes, inflation is rising, and the U.S. is increasingly isolated from world opinion, just because white voters aren't sure about that whole "change" thing. Ya know, it's just too vague and ill-defined, unlike, say, four more years of the same, which is20very concrete and certain.
White privilege is, in short, the problem.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
feeling guilty
... but not really.
More mundane to bad news, so I haven't been posting much. At least I have moved along a little in the resolution department. It turns out I need surgery on BOTH shoulders. I have a torn rotator cuff and a bone spur on the left shoulder (surgery in October) and a torn levator scapulae in the right (surgery in December) as well as arthritis and nerve impingement in my c-spine, with as-yet-undetermined treatment somewhere down the road. So in addition to beginning of the year stress, I've been a wee bit anxious over all this.
ON the bright side, I've been kicking ass at work in spite of the many Dr. appointments and the pains and fatigue that I've been experiencing. The project that I went to Mexico for a month ago is working out pretty well so far, and I am miles ahead of, oh, everybody (more than 20 schools and hundreds of teachers are participating!)
We're studying poverty, and using technology to collaborate, so what I am doing is using a wiki page (please don't leave comments if you check it out) to collaborate with our partner class in Monterrey Mexico. We've only posted our introductions so far, but I'm tying it in to our writing curriculum, as well as into our social studies curriculum, and it is just plain awesome. We're examining cultural relativism, economics, and reflexive writing as a doorway to personal growth, and so far it's been working perfectly. I'll go into the details of HOW and WHY it is awesome at some future date, but trust me, what I'm doing is just plain good, and sooner or later it's going to get me the recognition I deserve for making vision into reality. I know I probably sound conceited, but I'm just being honest.
I'm also kicking off a comics club tomorrow, where we will be studying the comic as a form of literature and art, and we will be creating comics (hopefully) by mid-year to sell to support our student council.
Anyway, it's past my bedtime. 'Nite.
T
More mundane to bad news, so I haven't been posting much. At least I have moved along a little in the resolution department. It turns out I need surgery on BOTH shoulders. I have a torn rotator cuff and a bone spur on the left shoulder (surgery in October) and a torn levator scapulae in the right (surgery in December) as well as arthritis and nerve impingement in my c-spine, with as-yet-undetermined treatment somewhere down the road. So in addition to beginning of the year stress, I've been a wee bit anxious over all this.
ON the bright side, I've been kicking ass at work in spite of the many Dr. appointments and the pains and fatigue that I've been experiencing. The project that I went to Mexico for a month ago is working out pretty well so far, and I am miles ahead of, oh, everybody (more than 20 schools and hundreds of teachers are participating!)
We're studying poverty, and using technology to collaborate, so what I am doing is using a wiki page (please don't leave comments if you check it out) to collaborate with our partner class in Monterrey Mexico. We've only posted our introductions so far, but I'm tying it in to our writing curriculum, as well as into our social studies curriculum, and it is just plain awesome. We're examining cultural relativism, economics, and reflexive writing as a doorway to personal growth, and so far it's been working perfectly. I'll go into the details of HOW and WHY it is awesome at some future date, but trust me, what I'm doing is just plain good, and sooner or later it's going to get me the recognition I deserve for making vision into reality. I know I probably sound conceited, but I'm just being honest.
I'm also kicking off a comics club tomorrow, where we will be studying the comic as a form of literature and art, and we will be creating comics (hopefully) by mid-year to sell to support our student council.
Anyway, it's past my bedtime. 'Nite.
T
Friday, August 29, 2008
More for Mom
These are pictures of My mom and Bob's house in Mexico... We all miss it!
(Again, mom, just click on the pictures for larger versions, then you can save the larger versions to your computer; call me if you need help!)
(Again, mom, just click on the pictures for larger versions, then you can save the larger versions to your computer; call me if you need help!)
For my mom
So I haven't posted anything for awhile because I'm pretty much tired of complaining, and things haven't gotten better yet. The short version:
I got really sick last week, and thought it was a reaction to my neck injections
My spine doctor said it could be meningitis, and I needed to go to the ER, ASAP
I went to to the ER and got a spinal tap, X-rays, etc.
I DON'T have meningitis, thank god
No one knows what I had, probably was a virus
I missed the first week of school
I still have problems, but am no longer feverish and feeling like I want to die
So all in all, there's nothing I can do but what I'm doing, and who wants to hear the same list of unpleasant things over and over?
Anyway, I talked to my mom tonight (Hi mom!) and am posting a variety of pictures for her, and you guys. Here they are.
By the way mom, you can see larger versions of each picture by clicking on them. Love you! :)
I got really sick last week, and thought it was a reaction to my neck injections
My spine doctor said it could be meningitis, and I needed to go to the ER, ASAP
I went to to the ER and got a spinal tap, X-rays, etc.
I DON'T have meningitis, thank god
No one knows what I had, probably was a virus
I missed the first week of school
I still have problems, but am no longer feverish and feeling like I want to die
So all in all, there's nothing I can do but what I'm doing, and who wants to hear the same list of unpleasant things over and over?
Anyway, I talked to my mom tonight (Hi mom!) and am posting a variety of pictures for her, and you guys. Here they are.
By the way mom, you can see larger versions of each picture by clicking on them. Love you! :)
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
In response to Elaine's latest posts...
So this is how it is:
We came back to work this week. I've had my old room on my old campus packed and ready to move for most of the summer.. The problem is, the new campus hasn't had a room for me. I'd intended to work on curriculum and lesson plans, and setting up my room, etc. all summer, but it wasn't meant to be. I was finally given my room on Friday, and was able to move in on Sunday. Monday of this week, after nearly the whole day spent in meetings and presentations, I was finally able to get to work on my room. I spent 5 or so hours arranging desks and getting set up; In addition, I had to move all 200 or so textbooks from random closets (I had to hunt for them) on the bottom floor to my room on the second floor, since they decided over the summer to move all the classes from the bottom floor to the top (though they didn't actually move anything; that was left for us teachers to do). Fortunately, Erin and Nick helped, and we just borrowed a huge cart from a hallway and moved them all at once.
So I set out all my books, and then I went to get my computer from our computer tech (which had been transferred from my old system on my old campus in June, and which has all my curriculum maps, resources, etc.) He couldn't find it. I explained that I was going to Mexico in just three days, and thus really needed my computer, so I could set up my grade book, do lessons, etc. He said he'd give it to me by the next day.
Well, as of today (Wed. at 7:02p.m.) I haven't received my computer. Also, someone moved all the things in my room Monday night to clean carpets, so I had to rearrange it Tuesday (with Erin's help.)
As of today, our supply room is still empty (so I have no folders, no paper, no pencil sharpeners, no nada) and I haven't had the chance to even start lesson planning.
Oh, and did I mention that we were told yesterday that we have to create a year-long syllabus and accompanying rubrics that follow IB (International Bacculaureate)standards, which no one knows anything about, short of a 45 minute introduction earlier in the week?
When is it due, you ask? Why, Monday of course. (Did I mention I'll be at a conference in Mexico from 3:00 tomorrow until late Sunday evening?)
Anyhow, my neck's been really killing me (stress maybe?) so I am getting my neck injections tomorrow (thank god, they moved up the date!) at 7:45 a.m. Then at 3:00 I'm on a plane to Mexico for a conference. I return at about 8:00 p.m. on Sunday. Then, Monday morning all my students show up at 7:45 to start the school year...
AND they won't give me a key to come in Sunday night!
All I can say is that it's a god-damned good thing I work my best under extreme pressure, and that I am not prone to panic.
In fact, I'm not really worried about it. I think this situation might just kill (or emotionally scar) a normal person, but if there's anything I'm good at, it's changing horses in mid-stream. :)
And truthfully, it's worse than it sounds. Well, ok, maybe it IS as bad as it sounds, but it's a good opportunity for me to demonstrate my inginuity, and I really do happen to thrive in situations which most people see as chaotic. I have little doubt I'll get a few day extension on the syllabus, and as far as lessons go, well... I'm pretty good at making things up as I go along. AND nearly all my students and parents are from last year, so I have a good support system.
I guess my point is it's all a matter of perspective. I can make this seem like the shittiest experience ever... or I can make it seem at least not bad.
Despite the shakey start, I'm really looking forward to this year, but I'll save why for another post.
We came back to work this week. I've had my old room on my old campus packed and ready to move for most of the summer.. The problem is, the new campus hasn't had a room for me. I'd intended to work on curriculum and lesson plans, and setting up my room, etc. all summer, but it wasn't meant to be. I was finally given my room on Friday, and was able to move in on Sunday. Monday of this week, after nearly the whole day spent in meetings and presentations, I was finally able to get to work on my room. I spent 5 or so hours arranging desks and getting set up; In addition, I had to move all 200 or so textbooks from random closets (I had to hunt for them) on the bottom floor to my room on the second floor, since they decided over the summer to move all the classes from the bottom floor to the top (though they didn't actually move anything; that was left for us teachers to do). Fortunately, Erin and Nick helped, and we just borrowed a huge cart from a hallway and moved them all at once.
So I set out all my books, and then I went to get my computer from our computer tech (which had been transferred from my old system on my old campus in June, and which has all my curriculum maps, resources, etc.) He couldn't find it. I explained that I was going to Mexico in just three days, and thus really needed my computer, so I could set up my grade book, do lessons, etc. He said he'd give it to me by the next day.
Well, as of today (Wed. at 7:02p.m.) I haven't received my computer. Also, someone moved all the things in my room Monday night to clean carpets, so I had to rearrange it Tuesday (with Erin's help.)
As of today, our supply room is still empty (so I have no folders, no paper, no pencil sharpeners, no nada) and I haven't had the chance to even start lesson planning.
Oh, and did I mention that we were told yesterday that we have to create a year-long syllabus and accompanying rubrics that follow IB (International Bacculaureate)standards, which no one knows anything about, short of a 45 minute introduction earlier in the week?
When is it due, you ask? Why, Monday of course. (Did I mention I'll be at a conference in Mexico from 3:00 tomorrow until late Sunday evening?)
Anyhow, my neck's been really killing me (stress maybe?) so I am getting my neck injections tomorrow (thank god, they moved up the date!) at 7:45 a.m. Then at 3:00 I'm on a plane to Mexico for a conference. I return at about 8:00 p.m. on Sunday. Then, Monday morning all my students show up at 7:45 to start the school year...
AND they won't give me a key to come in Sunday night!
All I can say is that it's a god-damned good thing I work my best under extreme pressure, and that I am not prone to panic.
In fact, I'm not really worried about it. I think this situation might just kill (or emotionally scar) a normal person, but if there's anything I'm good at, it's changing horses in mid-stream. :)
And truthfully, it's worse than it sounds. Well, ok, maybe it IS as bad as it sounds, but it's a good opportunity for me to demonstrate my inginuity, and I really do happen to thrive in situations which most people see as chaotic. I have little doubt I'll get a few day extension on the syllabus, and as far as lessons go, well... I'm pretty good at making things up as I go along. AND nearly all my students and parents are from last year, so I have a good support system.
I guess my point is it's all a matter of perspective. I can make this seem like the shittiest experience ever... or I can make it seem at least not bad.
Despite the shakey start, I'm really looking forward to this year, but I'll save why for another post.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
Bleh
I have had more Dr. appts. in the last 2 months than in the 25 years previous... I am going in for a sleep study tonight, another MRI on Wednesday, a follow-up for the sleep study sometime next week, blahblahblah.
Until I have something ELSE to talk about, I don't think I'll be posting. My PT says that alot of my neck problems are made worse by spending so much time on the computer anyway.
I have to go to Mexico for a work conference on Aug. 14th though, so I'll post about that, if it's interesting.
Wish me luck.
Until I have something ELSE to talk about, I don't think I'll be posting. My PT says that alot of my neck problems are made worse by spending so much time on the computer anyway.
I have to go to Mexico for a work conference on Aug. 14th though, so I'll post about that, if it's interesting.
Wish me luck.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
I should have done this years ago
I feel so old these last few days. Since Friday I have had an MRI, been to 3 doctors and seen a physical therapist. I haven't slept more than a few hours in the last three days, and I've honestly never felt so helpless before. It sucks.
On Friday I had an MRI of my C-spine, and on Monday I saw an Orthopedic surgeon about the problem with my shoulders. He ordered another MRI (of my shoulders) which I will get in a few weeks. It looks like the compulsive rocking I've been doing in my sleep for oh, my entire life, has caused so damage there, which is a separate issue from the c-spine stuff. I also have a long-needed sleep study scheduled for this coming Monday. I have the feeling that the insomnia and the accompanying compulsive rock-n-rolling I do while sleeping are responsible for most of my current problems.
So anyway, the MRI on friday shows nerve compression in three spots in my cervical spine, c 4,5, and 7. In the MRI it looks just like a little hourglass where the discs are herniated.
Anyway, I have been seriously obsessing over the lack of sleep and the pain for the last three days, which really isn't normal for me. I NEVER lose complete perspective, but I think I did these last few days. Hopeless is a heavy word, but it fits how I was feeling last night and this morning.
I saw my primary this morning, and he prescribed me Xanax to help with the anxiety (to help me sleep) and though I've always been opposed to taking benzodiazepines because of their addictive quality, I am so desperately in need of a few hours of sleep that I really have no choice. I'm a bit nervous about it, but I've taken narcotics as prescribed before, so things should be ok.
After him, I saw a spine specialist, who is going to do a nerve block by giving me some steroid shots in the neck. They have to knock you out for that, which I hate, but not as much as I hate feeling like I do. Hopefully things will mellow out between now and then. He gave me a shot in the ass of a drug called toradol, which is a heavy-duty NSAID painkiller (non-narcotic) which has helped things alot. It is supposed to last for around 5 days, and I think if I can just get some sleep things will improve greatly. I'm not sure I could make it a whole month (I can't get the nerve block until August 23rd) if every day is as bad as the last 3 have been, but I'm hopeful that they won't.
So there you have it. I HATE feeling like a whiner, and I hate going to the doctor, but not so much as I hate the way I've been feeling for the last few weeks. My reluctance to see doctors and to accept the possibility of any kind of debilitating medical problems when I was younger is kind of biting me in the ass. I mean, I've known for 9 years now that I needed to see a sleep specialist and that the lack of sleep was taking a toll on my health, but I always made excuses, like no insurance, then shitty insurance, then scheduling or other more pressing issues, etc.
But hopefully it's not too late. I honestly can't even imagine how things might be without some sort of pain or fatigue on a daily basis.
On Friday I had an MRI of my C-spine, and on Monday I saw an Orthopedic surgeon about the problem with my shoulders. He ordered another MRI (of my shoulders) which I will get in a few weeks. It looks like the compulsive rocking I've been doing in my sleep for oh, my entire life, has caused so damage there, which is a separate issue from the c-spine stuff. I also have a long-needed sleep study scheduled for this coming Monday. I have the feeling that the insomnia and the accompanying compulsive rock-n-rolling I do while sleeping are responsible for most of my current problems.
So anyway, the MRI on friday shows nerve compression in three spots in my cervical spine, c 4,5, and 7. In the MRI it looks just like a little hourglass where the discs are herniated.
Anyway, I have been seriously obsessing over the lack of sleep and the pain for the last three days, which really isn't normal for me. I NEVER lose complete perspective, but I think I did these last few days. Hopeless is a heavy word, but it fits how I was feeling last night and this morning.
I saw my primary this morning, and he prescribed me Xanax to help with the anxiety (to help me sleep) and though I've always been opposed to taking benzodiazepines because of their addictive quality, I am so desperately in need of a few hours of sleep that I really have no choice. I'm a bit nervous about it, but I've taken narcotics as prescribed before, so things should be ok.
After him, I saw a spine specialist, who is going to do a nerve block by giving me some steroid shots in the neck. They have to knock you out for that, which I hate, but not as much as I hate feeling like I do. Hopefully things will mellow out between now and then. He gave me a shot in the ass of a drug called toradol, which is a heavy-duty NSAID painkiller (non-narcotic) which has helped things alot. It is supposed to last for around 5 days, and I think if I can just get some sleep things will improve greatly. I'm not sure I could make it a whole month (I can't get the nerve block until August 23rd) if every day is as bad as the last 3 have been, but I'm hopeful that they won't.
So there you have it. I HATE feeling like a whiner, and I hate going to the doctor, but not so much as I hate the way I've been feeling for the last few weeks. My reluctance to see doctors and to accept the possibility of any kind of debilitating medical problems when I was younger is kind of biting me in the ass. I mean, I've known for 9 years now that I needed to see a sleep specialist and that the lack of sleep was taking a toll on my health, but I always made excuses, like no insurance, then shitty insurance, then scheduling or other more pressing issues, etc.
But hopefully it's not too late. I honestly can't even imagine how things might be without some sort of pain or fatigue on a daily basis.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
I guess Erin's not so bad after all
So I wasn't looking forward to the long drive up here to Summit county, considering how messed up my shoulders and neck had been. I only drove 6 hours Tuesday, which really isn't much for me, and I stopped in Green River, Utah at a cheap motel called the Robber's Roost. It was 15 dollars cheaper than the Motel 6, and bigger and nicer as well. I went to sleep about 2, and got a decent night's sleep, all things considered.
Well, the next day (yesterday) was just awful. I got a breakfast burito and a mocha on the way out of town, and within about 15 minutes, I started to feel sick. Food poisoning sick. I managed to drive the 90 or so miles to Fruita, Co. where I had to pull over and puke my guts out on the side of the road. Lovely.
On top of the nausea, I still had about 3 hours of driving to do, and I was feeling the way everyone feels when they can't hold anything down. I tried drinking water, but puked that up too.
So I stopped for a nap under a tree near Rifle, Colorado. After nearly an hour I decided that I had to continue on. I still felt like shit, but since I'd given up on eating or drinking anything, I figured the best thing to do was drive on, as the longer I waited, the worse and more dehydrated I'd feel.
I made it without incident to the top of Vail pass, which is about 2o miles from my sis's house, and there on the side of the road were two perfect little lakes, with fish rising. I pulled over, intending to fish for only a few minutes, but as soon as I stepped out of the car, I got so dizzy I gave up on the idea. You know I'm really sick when I can't stop to fish in a spot like that. It sucked.
Anyway, I got to Nicole's, and fell asleep from 4 til about 8:30. I felt much better, though still very weak. Nicole had gotten me some pedialite (which is gross, but does the job) and some chicken noodle soup. I ate, drank, watched So you think you can dance, and went back to sleep at 11.
This morning, I woke up feeling much better than I have in days. I ate a bagel for breakfast (I didn't want to over-do it in case the sickness was lingering) and I went fishing.
Well, I don't know if it's the bug passing, or the mountain air, or just the act of fishing, but I feel great. I caught 3 trout, and long distance released (that's lost to you non-fishers out there) 4 others, and it was just great. My biggest fish of the day came when I was walking back to the car. I called Erin to check in and say hi, and while we were talking I just kind of absent-mindedly flicked my fly behind a rock one-handed, and this healthy trout just swam up and ate it. I was like "Oh my gosh! I caught a fish!" and Erin was like, "What?" and I told her I had to go so I could play and land him. all I had on me was my phone, but I managed 3 pics of the fish, a nice fat rainbow trout of probably 15 inches or so. I tried to text-message the pics to Erin, but she doesn't get multimedia on her phone, so the pics will have to wait til I get home and can download them from my phone to my laptop.
So in the end, I'll credit Erin for that last one. In spite of her hook fiasco in the Sierras a few weeks ago, I never woulld have caught this fish if I hadn't stopped in that spot to call her, so it all worked out. :)
Well, the next day (yesterday) was just awful. I got a breakfast burito and a mocha on the way out of town, and within about 15 minutes, I started to feel sick. Food poisoning sick. I managed to drive the 90 or so miles to Fruita, Co. where I had to pull over and puke my guts out on the side of the road. Lovely.
On top of the nausea, I still had about 3 hours of driving to do, and I was feeling the way everyone feels when they can't hold anything down. I tried drinking water, but puked that up too.
So I stopped for a nap under a tree near Rifle, Colorado. After nearly an hour I decided that I had to continue on. I still felt like shit, but since I'd given up on eating or drinking anything, I figured the best thing to do was drive on, as the longer I waited, the worse and more dehydrated I'd feel.
I made it without incident to the top of Vail pass, which is about 2o miles from my sis's house, and there on the side of the road were two perfect little lakes, with fish rising. I pulled over, intending to fish for only a few minutes, but as soon as I stepped out of the car, I got so dizzy I gave up on the idea. You know I'm really sick when I can't stop to fish in a spot like that. It sucked.
Anyway, I got to Nicole's, and fell asleep from 4 til about 8:30. I felt much better, though still very weak. Nicole had gotten me some pedialite (which is gross, but does the job) and some chicken noodle soup. I ate, drank, watched So you think you can dance, and went back to sleep at 11.
This morning, I woke up feeling much better than I have in days. I ate a bagel for breakfast (I didn't want to over-do it in case the sickness was lingering) and I went fishing.
Well, I don't know if it's the bug passing, or the mountain air, or just the act of fishing, but I feel great. I caught 3 trout, and long distance released (that's lost to you non-fishers out there) 4 others, and it was just great. My biggest fish of the day came when I was walking back to the car. I called Erin to check in and say hi, and while we were talking I just kind of absent-mindedly flicked my fly behind a rock one-handed, and this healthy trout just swam up and ate it. I was like "Oh my gosh! I caught a fish!" and Erin was like, "What?" and I told her I had to go so I could play and land him. all I had on me was my phone, but I managed 3 pics of the fish, a nice fat rainbow trout of probably 15 inches or so. I tried to text-message the pics to Erin, but she doesn't get multimedia on her phone, so the pics will have to wait til I get home and can download them from my phone to my laptop.
So in the end, I'll credit Erin for that last one. In spite of her hook fiasco in the Sierras a few weeks ago, I never woulld have caught this fish if I hadn't stopped in that spot to call her, so it all worked out. :)
Monday, July 07, 2008
Nerves making me nervous
I've been having issues with my neck and shoulders for a few years now. Unfortunately, I tend to ignore minor pains and aches, because when I was younger it was easier to do so, and at the time I didn't have any insurance, so there was no point worrying about it.
About 3 years ago I got a small tear in my ulnar nerve. Long story short, after 10 months of hoop-jumping, I had a surgery in which they moved my nerve from around the elbow to lay under the muscle; this was supposed to alleviate the problem.
For the most part it worked.
However, during the 10 months I was hoop jumping, there were occasions when I would tweak the nerve by moving my head a certain way, and it would send a jolt down my arm or up my neck. Sometimes these jolts were so strong that they literally made my black out; kind of like when you get punched in the face.
Anyway, for the last few months I've been dealing with tight neck and shoulders, with the tightness and pain sometimes radiating into my arms. I've seen 2 physical therapists, and though they haven't been unpleasant, they haven't done anything to alleviate the actual problem.
So these last few days have been pretty bad. I am not usually one to complain, and I've always had a bias against younger people who constantly complain. This attitude no doubt came from all the AA people I saw over the years who went on disability, or who constantly took painkillers, or meds, or whatever... and who, in my mind, simply didn't want to work; I took their complaints as excuses fabricated because they didn't have it in them to get their shit together. They exemplified a culture of victimhood, and I silently judged.
Now, I know not everyone was doing this; some people did (and still do) have legit ailments. But most were not as bad off as the claimed.
Now, I am in the unenviable position of basically feeling like shit nearly all the time.
I have been trying to get things taken care of now that I have some decent insurance, but nothing so far has addressed the real issue, whatever it may be.
I am getting a sleep study done at the end of the month. I have had serious insomnia for over 10 years now ( and I mean clinical insomnia; I rarely sleep more than 6 hours at a stretch, and can remember only three nights since we moved to Vegas where I slept an unbroken 7 hours; once in San Jose, once in Switzerland, and once a few months ago. EVERY other night for a decade or more I've slept in fits and starts, usually to the tune of about 5 hours a night. It sucks.)
About a month ago I finally got a lift (my right leg is shorter than my left, and the doc thought that may be contributing to my neck and shoulder issues), but I'm wondering if it may be the reason for my current neck problems. In the last month or so, my neck and shoulder stiffness has gotten noticeably worse.
So that brings me to today. I was laying on the bed this morning, on my stomach, and when I stretched my arms above my head I felt a sharp burning pain right next to my armpit. As far as I can tell, it's exactly in the sheath-thing that covers the main nerve into the arm. It really hurt, but I kept stretching, hoping that doing to would loosen things up. Well, a little later I took the bike to a coffee shop to do some work. As I was typing, the numb-tingles associated with my original ulnar nerve damage crept up, only this time it wasn't just in my fingers. I've got numbness and tingles in all of my left hand, as well as sporadic feelings of stuff crawling up and down my arm. The tingling is also wandering up to my neck. It has me pretty worried, and I am so not a worrier.
So tomorrow I have an appointment with my doc. Hopefully he'll refer me to a neurologist. I've done some poking around, and all the symptoms indicate an impinged nerve, but they checked for that when I first went in a few years ago, and said that wasn't the case. They took X-rays, but not an MRI or CAT scan, so hopefully they will do one of them and find out what's wrong.
I just hope that they can get to the bottom of the problem. I am beginning to forget what it feels like to not ache, and it's starting to really get to me.
I honestly can't imagine what I could accomplish in my life if I actually could get a full night's sleep and could wake up and go through the day without hurting. I hope someday I can find out the answer to that question.
OK, enough complaints from me; I'll post more after my doc appt. tomorrow.
About 3 years ago I got a small tear in my ulnar nerve. Long story short, after 10 months of hoop-jumping, I had a surgery in which they moved my nerve from around the elbow to lay under the muscle; this was supposed to alleviate the problem.
For the most part it worked.
However, during the 10 months I was hoop jumping, there were occasions when I would tweak the nerve by moving my head a certain way, and it would send a jolt down my arm or up my neck. Sometimes these jolts were so strong that they literally made my black out; kind of like when you get punched in the face.
Anyway, for the last few months I've been dealing with tight neck and shoulders, with the tightness and pain sometimes radiating into my arms. I've seen 2 physical therapists, and though they haven't been unpleasant, they haven't done anything to alleviate the actual problem.
So these last few days have been pretty bad. I am not usually one to complain, and I've always had a bias against younger people who constantly complain. This attitude no doubt came from all the AA people I saw over the years who went on disability, or who constantly took painkillers, or meds, or whatever... and who, in my mind, simply didn't want to work; I took their complaints as excuses fabricated because they didn't have it in them to get their shit together. They exemplified a culture of victimhood, and I silently judged.
Now, I know not everyone was doing this; some people did (and still do) have legit ailments. But most were not as bad off as the claimed.
Now, I am in the unenviable position of basically feeling like shit nearly all the time.
I have been trying to get things taken care of now that I have some decent insurance, but nothing so far has addressed the real issue, whatever it may be.
I am getting a sleep study done at the end of the month. I have had serious insomnia for over 10 years now ( and I mean clinical insomnia; I rarely sleep more than 6 hours at a stretch, and can remember only three nights since we moved to Vegas where I slept an unbroken 7 hours; once in San Jose, once in Switzerland, and once a few months ago. EVERY other night for a decade or more I've slept in fits and starts, usually to the tune of about 5 hours a night. It sucks.)
About a month ago I finally got a lift (my right leg is shorter than my left, and the doc thought that may be contributing to my neck and shoulder issues), but I'm wondering if it may be the reason for my current neck problems. In the last month or so, my neck and shoulder stiffness has gotten noticeably worse.
So that brings me to today. I was laying on the bed this morning, on my stomach, and when I stretched my arms above my head I felt a sharp burning pain right next to my armpit. As far as I can tell, it's exactly in the sheath-thing that covers the main nerve into the arm. It really hurt, but I kept stretching, hoping that doing to would loosen things up. Well, a little later I took the bike to a coffee shop to do some work. As I was typing, the numb-tingles associated with my original ulnar nerve damage crept up, only this time it wasn't just in my fingers. I've got numbness and tingles in all of my left hand, as well as sporadic feelings of stuff crawling up and down my arm. The tingling is also wandering up to my neck. It has me pretty worried, and I am so not a worrier.
So tomorrow I have an appointment with my doc. Hopefully he'll refer me to a neurologist. I've done some poking around, and all the symptoms indicate an impinged nerve, but they checked for that when I first went in a few years ago, and said that wasn't the case. They took X-rays, but not an MRI or CAT scan, so hopefully they will do one of them and find out what's wrong.
I just hope that they can get to the bottom of the problem. I am beginning to forget what it feels like to not ache, and it's starting to really get to me.
I honestly can't imagine what I could accomplish in my life if I actually could get a full night's sleep and could wake up and go through the day without hurting. I hope someday I can find out the answer to that question.
OK, enough complaints from me; I'll post more after my doc appt. tomorrow.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
breakfast restaurants, and crazy menu selections.
Finding a good breakfast restaurant isn't easy. Most of them (most restaurants really) are quite mediocre. But today, while poking around for places to get breakfast in Vegas, we came across the Hash House A Go Go. I'm not sure if their food is good, because we haven't eaten there, but their menu is great.
Especially their O'hare of the Dog. What is it, you ask?
Well, it's a 24 oz. Budweiser. With a side of bacon.
So far, that's the funniest breakfast menu item I've seen. Can anyone top that?
Especially their O'hare of the Dog. What is it, you ask?
Well, it's a 24 oz. Budweiser. With a side of bacon.
So far, that's the funniest breakfast menu item I've seen. Can anyone top that?
Friday, July 04, 2008
Thursday, July 03, 2008
A trip down memory lane via cereal boxes
I don't know why I go off on these little internet missions, but I just spent the last 2 hours looking at vintage Starwars toys. Specifically, I was looking for a little hand-held movie camera thing which I shoplifted from a K-mart when I was 7. How I wound up in a K-mart by myself late in the evening at age 7 is an interesting story, but one for another time. Anyway, the toy in question had little cartridge things which, when inserted and cranked with a handle on the side, presented actual movie-sequences through the viewfinder. It was a cool toy.
So anyway, I didn't find it, but as I was occasionally reminded of various Starwars toys from my youth, I told Erin about a landspeeder string-glider I once got from a box of cereal. It was hella cool. And then, of course, I found a picture of the exact cereal box it came from.
Friggin' internets.... it's constantly amazing. I don't know where this guy finds the time, but his comprehensive list of cereal boxes with Starwars related themes reminded me how much I used to covet things which no longer exist, like Crazy Cow cereal. Crazy Cow: you can't get much more 1970's.
Now I'm off to find pics of the Guns of Navarone mountain playset I used to use as a battlestation in opposition to my Death Star.
So anyway, I didn't find it, but as I was occasionally reminded of various Starwars toys from my youth, I told Erin about a landspeeder string-glider I once got from a box of cereal. It was hella cool. And then, of course, I found a picture of the exact cereal box it came from.
Friggin' internets.... it's constantly amazing. I don't know where this guy finds the time, but his comprehensive list of cereal boxes with Starwars related themes reminded me how much I used to covet things which no longer exist, like Crazy Cow cereal. Crazy Cow: you can't get much more 1970's.
Now I'm off to find pics of the Guns of Navarone mountain playset I used to use as a battlestation in opposition to my Death Star.
Car woes, and excessive heat warning
I've been sitting for the last 3 1/2 hours at the dealership where they just rebuilt our engine last week. Our check engine light came on yesterday, and I guess that it's not a big deal, but they had to update our car's software, and for some reason, it's taking a really long time.
Fortunately, the dealer has free wifi, so I've been able to get some school work done, and now I have time for a blog post.
Yesterday evening, the weatherman announced that the NWS has issued an excessive heat warning for today. Officially, our high is supposed to be 112, which means in reality that on the street it will be close to 120 this afternoon. That, combined with high ozone and the smoke drifting into the Vegas valley from fires in Cali means that we should not go outside today, if we can help it.
I for one, had planned on spending as little time outside as possible when it gets its hottest, but this unplanned nearly 4 hour detour to Toyota has mussed up my plans, and I will be stuck driving around more than I had intended.
This, of course, has made me a bit grouchy, but since my one actual planned trip out today is to the physical therapist to get my stiff neck and shoulders worked on, it's not all bad.
Since I have nothing else to do, here's a few random pics I've meant to post in te last several weeks. You can figure them out.
Fortunately, the dealer has free wifi, so I've been able to get some school work done, and now I have time for a blog post.
Yesterday evening, the weatherman announced that the NWS has issued an excessive heat warning for today. Officially, our high is supposed to be 112, which means in reality that on the street it will be close to 120 this afternoon. That, combined with high ozone and the smoke drifting into the Vegas valley from fires in Cali means that we should not go outside today, if we can help it.
I for one, had planned on spending as little time outside as possible when it gets its hottest, but this unplanned nearly 4 hour detour to Toyota has mussed up my plans, and I will be stuck driving around more than I had intended.
This, of course, has made me a bit grouchy, but since my one actual planned trip out today is to the physical therapist to get my stiff neck and shoulders worked on, it's not all bad.
Since I have nothing else to do, here's a few random pics I've meant to post in te last several weeks. You can figure them out.
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